maureen maroon
2/25/2006
there's a nature preserve in Grandmommy and Poppa's backyard. my dad put it there. it is inhabited by, among other things, numerous plants, four baby mallards and a coyote. the coyote attacks the mallards and three of them get away but the fourth is stuck under the porch. i free it and throw it into the air, where it sinks at first but eventually flies to the roof with its brothers.
the coyote comes after me and i yell at patrick to give me a "thug" to hit it with. by this i mean a sharp or heavy garden tool. he stands on the porch saving his game on his game boy. i'm enraged that he would rather ensure his ability to continue the game where he left off than save my life. with my bare hands, i stun the coyote long enough to get away (or maybe i kill it), and tell patrick "the next time I ask for a thug, you GIVE ME A THUG!"
it's christmastime. my mom is having a fifth child. i am furious, and to make matters worse, if it's a girl she wants to name it Maureen Maroon.
we have an argument about the name: i say it's moronic, and she counters by saying i don't even know what color maroon is.
"I WENT TO WALSH," i seethe, leaving out that i'm also going to the university of chicago, whose color is maroon and whose team name is the maroons.
as the argument occurs I am putting on a maroon velvet dress like the kind Mom used to force annie and me to wear during the holidays. we are going to the ballet with my Grandma Kruse.
she is dating some guy I haven't met. he looks like the leader of the heaven's gate cult and is a total asshole. he talks as if he is sam walton. he may well be. he also brings along his other girlfriend, a cheap social climber dressed in blue and white 1700s garb. her voice is like audrey's (not audrey II's) in little shop of horrors.
we ride to the ballet in a maroon pumpkin-shaped coach. i'm still furious that my parents are having another kid.
there's a nature preserve in Grandmommy and Poppa's backyard. my dad put it there. it is inhabited by, among other things, numerous plants, four baby mallards and a coyote. the coyote attacks the mallards and three of them get away but the fourth is stuck under the porch. i free it and throw it into the air, where it sinks at first but eventually flies to the roof with its brothers.
the coyote comes after me and i yell at patrick to give me a "thug" to hit it with. by this i mean a sharp or heavy garden tool. he stands on the porch saving his game on his game boy. i'm enraged that he would rather ensure his ability to continue the game where he left off than save my life. with my bare hands, i stun the coyote long enough to get away (or maybe i kill it), and tell patrick "the next time I ask for a thug, you GIVE ME A THUG!"
it's christmastime. my mom is having a fifth child. i am furious, and to make matters worse, if it's a girl she wants to name it Maureen Maroon.
we have an argument about the name: i say it's moronic, and she counters by saying i don't even know what color maroon is.
"I WENT TO WALSH," i seethe, leaving out that i'm also going to the university of chicago, whose color is maroon and whose team name is the maroons.
as the argument occurs I am putting on a maroon velvet dress like the kind Mom used to force annie and me to wear during the holidays. we are going to the ballet with my Grandma Kruse.
she is dating some guy I haven't met. he looks like the leader of the heaven's gate cult and is a total asshole. he talks as if he is sam walton. he may well be. he also brings along his other girlfriend, a cheap social climber dressed in blue and white 1700s garb. her voice is like audrey's (not audrey II's) in little shop of horrors.
we ride to the ballet in a maroon pumpkin-shaped coach. i'm still furious that my parents are having another kid.
Labels: cuddly animals, dangerous animals, family, fight, Grandma, Grandmommy, irritating children, non sequitur, Patrick, Poppa, Walsh
posted by Kat at 6:17 PM
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